You walk into a car showroom and the salesperson goes: "this car has wheels."
That is most of the dating market. People think about dating zero or one dimensionally. The whole conversation is "what do you bring to the table?" aimed at everyone else. Very few people ever turn it around and ask what they bring to the table.
The Tiers of Cope
It roughly stacks up like this:
"I'm a loser but people should love me anyway." No table involved.
"I've got money/i'm hot, so people should love me." One dimension, at least it's a dimension.
"I'm loyal, I work out, I've got a job." Fake depth. This is stuff you should be doing anyway, shown off like a trophy.
That third one is the interesting one, because it's the most common and the people doing it think they're winning.
They list minimum-viable-adult features as if they were premium options:
"I'm loyal." Cool. The brakes work.
"I have a job." Great. The engine turns on.
"I go gym." Nice. It has wheels.
Baseline Decency
Job, hygiene, loyalty, not cheating, not being abusive, basic fitness, basic emotional control.
This is the wheels. It gets you allowed on the road, literally just passing an MOT worthiness. It is not a reason anyone picks your car over the hundred others on the forecourt that also, somehow, have wheels.
Actual Appeal
Charm, polarity, warmth, competence, playfulness, taste, generosity, eroticism, vision, social calibration, emotional safety, aliveness.
This is the actual car. Nobody leads with it because it's hard, it can't be faked, and you can't put it on a checklist. Which is exactly why it's the only part that matters.
The Forecourt Went Global
A hundred years ago your dating market was a few square miles. You ended up with someone from your town, your church, your work, your friends sister. People got together because they were simply around each other and got on. The wheels were enough, because there were six cars on the forecourt and you knew all of them.
That's dead. Everyone's on apps, which means the forecourt is now the entire planet. Want the attractive girl in your seminar? She isn't choosing between you and the other guys on your course. She's one swipe from a millionaire in Dubai, and looking the way she does, she can probably get him (with caveats). Globalisation didn't just happen to manufacturing. It happened to attraction.
So baseline decency is worth even less than it used to be. Being a many with a job was locally competitive once. Now you're up against everyone, and "has wheels" doesn't earn a second glance when she can see the whole forecourt from her phone.
The funny part is the old mechanism still beats the app. "We got together because we got on and spent time around each other" works, because it's the one setting where your actual appeal gets to show up instead of your checklist. It just has fewer and fewer places to happen. Work is one of the last ones. And, apparently, padel: currently the nearest thing the middle class has to a village square.
Both Sexes, Same Mistake
It looks different by sex but it's the same error.
Men. Most men are invisible to most women, and it's the wheels problem. "Okay, you've got a job and a (maybe) house. You've also got zero personality, no hobbies, you play video games, no emotional control, you drink every weekend and you've got a beer belly. Why would an 8/10 woman want you?" The job and the house are the wheels. He's stood on the forecourt pointing at them.
Women. Plenty of women can get attention and sex on tap but can't lock down a decent man, and it's the same mentality: "I'm hot" is the wheels. "Okay, you're hot. You've also got 17 orbiters in your phone, you've got no real personality and you're out of your mind materialistic. Why would an 8/10 man commit to you?" Being attractive gets attention. It was never going to get commitment.
Same disease. Both sides lead with the one thing that was never the deciding factor, then act confused when the market prices it correctly.
Stop announcing the wheels.
